Tonight was the last night of the Bible study with Rebekah. The topic throughout the semester was entitled "Do you love me?" It dealt a lot with issues of loneliness and hurt as well as accepting and believing in God's love. Once again tonight I was reminded how overwhelming and powerful the love of God really is. I still have a daily struggle sometimes accepting the truth and honestly believing that God loves me as much as He says He does because I know that I have clearly not done anything at all to come close to deserving this love. But for some reason God chose to pay the ultimate sacrifice because He loves us so much.
On Tuesday, my RD and her husband come and spoke on our hall. She shared how she was single for a very long time and had struggled a lot with feeling like she wasn't good enough or that she would be alone forever, etc. She then went on to talk about how she finally was able to get to that place where she was completely satisfied in the Lord's love and she didn't feel like she needed earthly relationships as much because she knew she had the complete love and acceptance of her Heavenly Father. This was so encouraging for me to here and it challenged me on so many different levels. I have been having a hard time just dealing with anger and bitterness towards God and towards guys because of how I was hurt by them. I've been telling myself that because I was hurt so bad once that I wasn't going to let myself get hurt again. I figured that this would require for me to not open up to anyone and even more so not to love or even allow myself to be loved in certain situations. What I realized is that it is getting me absolutely nowhere. It doesn't make me feel any better and it certainly doesn't fix my heart. What I was so challenged with the other night was to start letting all of it go and giving it completely to God. Sure, I've said before that I had given it to God, but I had never completely given Him one hundred percent. This is what I want to do now so much more than ever, and I know that through it He is the only one who will be able to satisfy me and completely heal my heart.
I've also recently felt this strong burden on my heart to do some type of ministry in the medical field. I have no idea where or what God has for me, but I've just had this strong desire to go and help people who don't currently have access to medical care. Last week in clinicals my instructor shared multiple stories and her main point came down to the need for humility in nursing and that it is so important that we look at every single that comes across our path as a treasure of God and we treat them like that no matter what. It just hit me so hard last week the importance and truth to that and I can't get it out of my head ever since. I just feel like I need to do something. I don't know what but I want to do something that will have an impact on others and something that will change lives and show them the love of Christ.
November 11, 2011
May 13, 2011
Crazy as it Seems
I am officially half way done with college. Two years finished, two more to go. I really can't believe it, I mean it seems like just yesterday I was walking across that stage with nineteen other people as we were handed our diplomas and thrown out into the world. This year has been difficult and amazing at the same time. There were definitely some rough times, but there were some times that I will never forget. I have met so many different people throughout this school year. Each and every one of them has made an impact on my life. I've made friends that I know will last forever. Even though some of them were only in my life for as little as a few months they have left an impression on me that will last a lifetime and I will never forget them for as long as I live. I am beyond thankful for everyone that God placed in my life.
Even though I do miss everyone from school, being back in Delaware is as wonderful as always. I spent the day with Hannah on Wednesday and it was great. There is just something about that one best friend who knows you more than anyone else, she means so much to me. Then Wednesday night I was able to go to our youth group and spend time with all of the precious people there.
The main thing I'm trying to accomplish at the moment is finding a job, which isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. I mean I will most likely work for the Taylor's in July, but I would kind of like something to do with my life for the next month and a half, even though I would love to spend every single one of those days at the beach. But I'm trusting in the Lord to provide me with something, whatever it may be. I've been reminded how much He has given to me and I'm trying to continue to be thankful for it. He has given me so much more than I deserve, so I am going to make the best of every situation and learn to make the best of whatever may come while loving the Lord and loving those around me with every little piece of my heart.
Even though I do miss everyone from school, being back in Delaware is as wonderful as always. I spent the day with Hannah on Wednesday and it was great. There is just something about that one best friend who knows you more than anyone else, she means so much to me. Then Wednesday night I was able to go to our youth group and spend time with all of the precious people there.
The main thing I'm trying to accomplish at the moment is finding a job, which isn't exactly the easiest thing to do. I mean I will most likely work for the Taylor's in July, but I would kind of like something to do with my life for the next month and a half, even though I would love to spend every single one of those days at the beach. But I'm trusting in the Lord to provide me with something, whatever it may be. I've been reminded how much He has given to me and I'm trying to continue to be thankful for it. He has given me so much more than I deserve, so I am going to make the best of every situation and learn to make the best of whatever may come while loving the Lord and loving those around me with every little piece of my heart.
March 18, 2011
Grace Abounds
The last two months have been crazy, and that seems like somewhat of an understatement. It's been physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually exhausting in just about every way possible. And now, as I sit in my room at home, in my precious little state of Delaware I feel an odd sense of peace. One that hasn't been there for a very long time.
Today, one of my dear friends had a trial in court. The case ended up being dismissed, PTL. As this has been one of the major things happening in my life recently, it may seem obvious that I would seem more at peace knowing that it's over, but as I talked to him today and he told me what went on he challenged me yet encouraged me so much. To sum up what was said basically was that this whole thing is in God's plan, and what happened today, and what will happen in the future is up to the Lord. So we need to be trusting in Him and praying that His will is done in this situation, along with every other aspect of our life. When he was telling me this, it hit me how incredibly lacking in faith I am. I am so quick to blame God for everything, and to be mad at Him, when in all reality it's only by the grace of God that things have turned out the way they have.
So I guess what it comes down to is that I need to have more faith, and I need to once again realize how amazing God's grace really is. Last night I was reading in Romans and this phrase hit me hard..."but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more." Amazing. That's all I can say. And at a time when I feel like I am as far away from God as I ever have been, I have been continually reminded how desperately in need of His grace I am, and how He is standing there with His arms open wide, just waiting for me to run to Him and receive that abounding grace and love.
Needless to say, it's been an eventful week. Only a few days left of break, which I really do not want to see come to an end. Tomorrow is looking like a trip to the beach, so that's always exciting, and then the rest of the weekend will just be visiting with a few friends and getting ready to head back to school. And even better then that, spending time praising the Lord for everything He has done, is doing, and is going to do.
Today, one of my dear friends had a trial in court. The case ended up being dismissed, PTL. As this has been one of the major things happening in my life recently, it may seem obvious that I would seem more at peace knowing that it's over, but as I talked to him today and he told me what went on he challenged me yet encouraged me so much. To sum up what was said basically was that this whole thing is in God's plan, and what happened today, and what will happen in the future is up to the Lord. So we need to be trusting in Him and praying that His will is done in this situation, along with every other aspect of our life. When he was telling me this, it hit me how incredibly lacking in faith I am. I am so quick to blame God for everything, and to be mad at Him, when in all reality it's only by the grace of God that things have turned out the way they have.
So I guess what it comes down to is that I need to have more faith, and I need to once again realize how amazing God's grace really is. Last night I was reading in Romans and this phrase hit me hard..."but where sin increased, grace abounded all the more." Amazing. That's all I can say. And at a time when I feel like I am as far away from God as I ever have been, I have been continually reminded how desperately in need of His grace I am, and how He is standing there with His arms open wide, just waiting for me to run to Him and receive that abounding grace and love.
Needless to say, it's been an eventful week. Only a few days left of break, which I really do not want to see come to an end. Tomorrow is looking like a trip to the beach, so that's always exciting, and then the rest of the weekend will just be visiting with a few friends and getting ready to head back to school. And even better then that, spending time praising the Lord for everything He has done, is doing, and is going to do.
January 2, 2011
Countdown
I leave to go back to Liberty exactly one week from today. I can't believe that this break is almost over. It has gone by way to fast and I am definitely having mixed emotions about that. I mean on one hand I am certainly getting ready to go back, just because being in this house starts to drive me a little crazy eventually and it will be good to see everyone from Liberty, but at the same time I feel like I haven't had nearly enough time to see all the people I wanted to see and spend time with the people here that mean so much to me. I have become more and more aware of what an absolutely precious group of friends I have back home. Not that the people at Liberty aren't amazing, because they definitely are, but I guess there will just always be something special about the friends you've had for most of your life and who you have gone through so much with.
I realized that I don't write on here that often because I feel like I have absolutely nothing significant to write about. I think my New Year's Resolution last year was something to the extent of blogging/journaling every day which obviously I came no where close to accomplishing. Needless to say I definitely did not repeat that resolution for this year. I don't really have any big, clearly defined resolutions this year. Basically, it's just to slow life down. To take the time to listen (both to God and others), to just be still before God, to appreciate the little things in life and realize how much I have to be thankful for, and to love others as Christ has loved me. I think the last one will probably prove to be the most difficult one. I usually consider myself to be a fairly loving and caring person, but I have realized how much I pick and choose the people I am going to show that love to. I try my hardest to not be judgmental, but sometimes it can be very difficult. But God loves each and every person the exact same amount, no matter what, absolutely unconditionally. So with that fact in mind, I guess we need to strive to see each person the way God sees them, and not the way the world sees them. And that can be one of the hardest things to do.
This next week is going to be pretty crazy. I already have stuff planned with friends for the next three days, and I'm sure I'll be finding something to do Thursday and Friday as well. Saturday will be spent packing and doing some last minute things. And then Sunday, after one more sweet morning at my dear church, me and my daddy will be off for Virginia.
I realized that I don't write on here that often because I feel like I have absolutely nothing significant to write about. I think my New Year's Resolution last year was something to the extent of blogging/journaling every day which obviously I came no where close to accomplishing. Needless to say I definitely did not repeat that resolution for this year. I don't really have any big, clearly defined resolutions this year. Basically, it's just to slow life down. To take the time to listen (both to God and others), to just be still before God, to appreciate the little things in life and realize how much I have to be thankful for, and to love others as Christ has loved me. I think the last one will probably prove to be the most difficult one. I usually consider myself to be a fairly loving and caring person, but I have realized how much I pick and choose the people I am going to show that love to. I try my hardest to not be judgmental, but sometimes it can be very difficult. But God loves each and every person the exact same amount, no matter what, absolutely unconditionally. So with that fact in mind, I guess we need to strive to see each person the way God sees them, and not the way the world sees them. And that can be one of the hardest things to do.
This next week is going to be pretty crazy. I already have stuff planned with friends for the next three days, and I'm sure I'll be finding something to do Thursday and Friday as well. Saturday will be spent packing and doing some last minute things. And then Sunday, after one more sweet morning at my dear church, me and my daddy will be off for Virginia.
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