Tonight was the last night of the Bible study with Rebekah. The topic throughout the semester was entitled "Do you love me?" It dealt a lot with issues of loneliness and hurt as well as accepting and believing in God's love. Once again tonight I was reminded how overwhelming and powerful the love of God really is. I still have a daily struggle sometimes accepting the truth and honestly believing that God loves me as much as He says He does because I know that I have clearly not done anything at all to come close to deserving this love. But for some reason God chose to pay the ultimate sacrifice because He loves us so much.
On Tuesday, my RD and her husband come and spoke on our hall. She shared how she was single for a very long time and had struggled a lot with feeling like she wasn't good enough or that she would be alone forever, etc. She then went on to talk about how she finally was able to get to that place where she was completely satisfied in the Lord's love and she didn't feel like she needed earthly relationships as much because she knew she had the complete love and acceptance of her Heavenly Father. This was so encouraging for me to here and it challenged me on so many different levels. I have been having a hard time just dealing with anger and bitterness towards God and towards guys because of how I was hurt by them. I've been telling myself that because I was hurt so bad once that I wasn't going to let myself get hurt again. I figured that this would require for me to not open up to anyone and even more so not to love or even allow myself to be loved in certain situations. What I realized is that it is getting me absolutely nowhere. It doesn't make me feel any better and it certainly doesn't fix my heart. What I was so challenged with the other night was to start letting all of it go and giving it completely to God. Sure, I've said before that I had given it to God, but I had never completely given Him one hundred percent. This is what I want to do now so much more than ever, and I know that through it He is the only one who will be able to satisfy me and completely heal my heart.
I've also recently felt this strong burden on my heart to do some type of ministry in the medical field. I have no idea where or what God has for me, but I've just had this strong desire to go and help people who don't currently have access to medical care. Last week in clinicals my instructor shared multiple stories and her main point came down to the need for humility in nursing and that it is so important that we look at every single that comes across our path as a treasure of God and we treat them like that no matter what. It just hit me so hard last week the importance and truth to that and I can't get it out of my head ever since. I just feel like I need to do something. I don't know what but I want to do something that will have an impact on others and something that will change lives and show them the love of Christ.
